"NO! They must not know that i have these thoughts! I must keep it to myself!"
"So what if they know, it will not change anything!"
"Its useless! They won't care about my feelings! All they care about is my future... my future.. my future... My feelings and thoughts were never, and never will be their concern!"
"Don't cry! Please, hold back those tears! The tears that they shall never see..."
These are what I have to tell myself all the time.
The mask I am wearing to protect myself...
I cannot be myself in front of them.
I can't cry when i wanna, they'll scold me.
I can't get angry at them, they'll go all out to make me the one at fault (as though they're perfect)
I can't share my viewpoints and express myself naturally, they'll yet again go all out to say how ridiculous I am.
BUT THEY CAN.
They can throw tantrums when they are in a bad mood.
They can be cold towards me whenever they wanna.
They can share their viewpoints and express how sad/angry they are, saying how others are wrong and they are right.
I thought...
They were suppose to be the greatest support i needed to pursue and achieve my goals.
They meant it when they say they'll support me in whatever i do.
They will be keep their their promises and that, i could trust their words and have faith in them.
But...
Everything was just a big fat LIE.
Everything was just my very own naive thinking.
Everything i once believed was just a dream, a wish, a hope. They'll never come true.
What can I do...? I wonder.
Will they ever know about I felt and thought? No, I guess they'll never know about it.
All these will be hidden, they'll never get to know about them...
IT WILL BE KEPT TO MYSELF.
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